I’m not the sexiest man on earth nor do I try to be but when it comes to impressing the ladies, I stick to my strengths. I spend hardly any time in front of the mirror, and the last time I put gel in my hair tucking the front of your shirt into your pants was cool. (Also gelling your bangs straight up pointing at the sky was popular at the time. I tried this once, and it’s safe to say I will never try it again.) I own only 9 different shirts I can wear out and comparing that to my peer’s collection is desperately low. (Combine that with my lack of laundry skills and unparalleled laziness and you have a recipe for disaster.) My sneaker game is virtually non-existent and my color-coding dress-wear skills are sub par at best. But, for what I lack in those topics mentioned above I make up for in my bodily aroma. It’s my go to move every time I step out at night and the only thing I’ve got working for me. I take the utmost pride in the way my special mixture of fragrances tickles the olfactories of all who take notice.
What most people don’t realize is that you can mix and match different colognes, fragrances, and deodorants to create that unique smell that people know is you. Ladies love it, and men want it. (Pause) I get asked all the time, “Tyler, how do you do it? What do you use?” I simply respond with a “haha, please” and look the other way.
I know you're probably wondering if I'm going to reveal my secret and the fact of the matter is if I gave up my secret, all you guys would be stealing the only thing that I have working for me, and that cannot happen. Sorry guys.